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Shaft Will Save Everyone of Us
Friday, September 27, 2002Oh my, so many things to say. I think I'll start withNo. 1 If our president gets on television and says “Trust me here guys, we want to take this mother out. I can’t tell you why just now, but when you find out, you will be glad you listened to me”. Maybe we should just listen to the guy. I mean he is the president, did you ever think he might know something you don’t know. I know it’s crazy to imagine that a guy with all of our countries resources for intelligence might have an idea that something bad was going to happen, but maybe this time we should just let him do what he wants. Granted, no important information has come out about this, but I did her about some guy named Tony Blair having some evidence. What was that now? Oh yeah, Iraq can as we speak launch chemical weapons to most of the Middle East. I think he said it would take about 45 minutes and one phone call to wipe out a large portion of that region. He also said that they are testing longer-range rockets and have everything they need to make a nuclear bomb but the plutonium. I am sure neither of these things are cause for worry though. I mean who is this Tony Blair guy anyway? So lets say that we did take over Iraq and install a democratic government, I am sure there wouldn’t be anything there that we would want. It’s not like they have a third of the world’s oil or something. No. 2 Should a 28-year-old man want to go into the bookstore and buy those magazines with all the wedding dresses in them? I love to look at the dresses and all of the wedding planning stuff. Is that so wrong? When I was in college my friend Angela would always show up to class with those magazines and we had a great time making fun of the ugly ones and would imagine getting married in the pretty ones. I mean we would praise the pretty ones. She would be the one imagining getting married in them. Not me. I would never fit into any of them. No. 3 So a school board decided to let creationism be taught alongside evolution. Now all of the parents are up in arms. “No, no school board, don’t let our children have a rounded education. We don’t want our kids learning different theories about the origin of man”. Yeah that’s right I said theories. You wanna make something of it. Go ahead, you prove em. Thus spake Shaft at 5:11 PM
Wednesday, September 18, 2002As all of you know I am unemployed, and being unemployed I tend to stay up to all hours of the night watching various effluvia on the television. Round about 3 am I usually turn on Court TV so I can reaffirm that my life will always be the equivalent of a fairy land compared to the lives of the shirtless morons on cops.Mmmmm Inner Circle… So after cops comes a show I think is called Catherine crier live or something. So I am only half watching it this morning as I searched for some porn thing or another and this story comes on. It is about a girl who was suspended for wanting to start a…here it comes, are you ready… an anarchy club. Now maybe I wasn’t paying attention in school or slept through parts of SLC punk but last I checked the concept of anarchy and the forming of a club were kinda polar opposites. So I checked again, on dictionary.com and here is what I came up with Anarchy Absence of any cohesive principle, such as a common standard or purpose. Club A group of people organized for a common purpose, especially a group that meets regularly. So as much as I want to join with her in saying damn the man, I can’t help but be so angered by her stupidity that I want to shit my chair. The one thing I can be glad of though is that I am not in high school anymore. Man I could not stand being in high school anymore, the fashion sucks. The music sucks. The people suck. Oh… Oh… here it comes again, yep, shit in the chair. Thus spake Shaft at 7:12 AM
Sunday, September 15, 2002ShaftSo did you ever walk in to a store, any store, and ask anything and then say to yourself, self, I think my ass has more brains than some of these people. Ha ha my ass has brains. giggle giggle “He said brains.” giggle giggle I want a monkey, like one of those cute small monkeys like a gibbon. I saw a thing on T.V. where some organization was giving away gibbons because their habitat was being destroyed. So this guy was saying “if you’ve ever thought about having an exotic pet, why not a monkey?” So now I want a monkey. And I want a cowboy outfit. Not for me, for the monkey. I want a monkey sized cowboy outfit. And I want a saddle. For chuck. A little kitty saddle so the monkey can ride chuck, in his cowboy suit. And I can run around yelling, “yeehaw, yeehaw, get along little doggies.” Thus spake Shaft at 1:09 AM
Wednesday, September 11, 2002Let’s see here, so terrorists hijacked planes and blew up some buildings. And it was pretty darn shocking. And then we cleaned up the mess and kicked some major terrorist ass and then we also took out a government (if you can call it that) that hates women.I would like to quote three people who I believe some up my thoughts on all of this. One whose name is fun to say, one who likes the girlies maybe a little too much, and me. "It would be some time before I fully realized that the United States sees little need for diplomacy. Power is enough. Only the weak rely on diplomacy... The Roman Empire had no need for diplomacy. Nor does the United States." Boutros Boutros-Ghali, Former UN Secretary General "'We're not inflicting pain on these fuckers,' Clinton said, softly at first. 'When people kill us, they should be killed in greater numbers.' 'I believe in killing people who try to hurt you.. And I can't believe we're being pushed around by these two-bit pricks.'" -U.S. president Bill Clinton ordering the bombing of civilian targets in Somalia, as quoted in "All Too Human" by George Stephanopoulos. I am a pacifist; that is until you kick me in the balls. Shaft Thus spake Shaft at 4:39 AM
Monday, September 09, 2002Hey kids nothing real important I just ran across this quote from one of my favorite movies, Revenge of the Nerds, and I laughed for just about 10 minutes. It helps if you remember the way in which the lines were delivered and that you are a little punchy from being tired.Gilbert: She's not that kind of girl, Booger. Booger: Why? Does she have a penis? Thus spake Shaft at 6:14 AM
Saturday, September 07, 2002Don't you hate it when you think of something really cool that you want to say and you make a mental "note" and then as soon as you store it away in your brain you forget completely about. Then later when you want to retrieve it from your memory you remember that you wanted to say something and that it was really cool and that you would like to Cher it with others, but you can't remember what in the hell the actual witticism is. So you get home and say to yourself.I own a pda, but I don't always carry it with me. I own paper and pens, but they were all at home. So then you sit there in front of your computer and try to relive the moment when you thought of the cool thing. The sounds, OK, the tastes, OK, the temperature, all right. What were people saying at that time again? Oh yeah. thinking... thinking... thinking... Oh screw it, it probably wasn't that cool anyway. Thus spake Shaft at 4:15 AM
Thursday, September 05, 2002From here on out, you can find Shaft's saving at:http://personalpages.tds.net/~shaft9 yo. Thus spake Shaft at 10:04 PM
Wednesday, September 04, 2002Ok everyone here is something I think I need to talk about. It breaks down like this, how can I say thisummmm ummmmm DO NOT CUT YOUR PENIS IN HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right you heard me do not do it and do not cut open your scrotum to take out your testicle and show it to everyone. Apparently these are done by hardcore genital mutilation fetishists. I came across these wonderful practices while perusing the fabulous internet and looking for jewelry for my piercing. There are some things I'll give ya, genital piercing, medical fetish (even going as far as people who like to stick things in their wang like sounds and catheters, although I don't understand this either), spanking, feet, food, bdsm (not black flag so much), even naked broads popping balloons. But the one thing I will not ever comprehend is cuttin' up yer bits. I mean I am glad we live in a country with all kinds of people and practices and thoughts and everything else but damn I just don't get this. There, now everyone searching the happy uberweb can be disappointed when they come here expecting sex stuff and just get me. HA HA Thus spake Shaft at 10:47 PM
Well jumpin jesus on a pogo stick. Shaft has a fricken blog. That's right shaft, der shaftenstein, the shaftinator, shaftasaurus, shaft ah ah he'll save everyone of us. I have been childishly avoiding a blog for some damn reason and I don't know why. So I figured I should face up to brass tacks and make it happen. I ain't got shit to say I said, that's not true you said. Well be careful what you wish for people, it may just come true.
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