Sunday, March 30, 2003

So... last night before going to bed I watched for a full ten minutes what I thought was a rerun of Hanging With Mr. Cooper. You don't know how disappointed I was when they went to commercial and I found out I was actually watching a rerun of Moesha.

I'll never get those ten minutes of my life back... what a waste.

Thus spake Shaft at 1:15 AM

Friday, March 28, 2003

I just saw this on the web and was almost moved to tears. It is something that alot of the children in Iraq will have the misfortune of experiencing if the war goes on much longer. You can view it here.
It's in flash so if you don't have the fat pipe like me it might take a while to download.

Also, this quote from Thomas L. Friedman of the New York Times sums up nicely this little webcam war we've got going here:
"I was in a restaurant at Chicago's O'Hare Airport on Sunday, and it had an NCAA basketball game playing on the TV at one end of the bar and the Iraq war on the other. Most people were watching the basketball game — probably because it's so much easier to keep score."


Thus spake Shaft at 5:13 AM

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

I am sick of living on 5 bucks a day

Well only some days. Other days I might have 10 dollars, on friday I have a whole 20 bucks to blow.
Stupid budgeting to pay my bills. Stupid taking a $2.25 paycut from what I was making. Stupid ecomony won't not let me get a better job.
You know what five bucks a day buys you: hot dogs, hot dogs and more hot dogs. But Shaft why don't you eat pasta and sauce? Yeah, did that for like 3 years, and I don't need no more damn carbs. How 'bout microwave burritos? Yep, did that too. One summer that's about all I ate and then another streak just a few months ago. Cheap pizzas? Uh huh. 5 for 5 dollars frozen entrees? Yep. I think that I have about exhausted what the grocery store has to offer for 2 meals a day for my five bucks. On the other hand there are a few things I have not tried like paper towels, floor wax or cat food. I suppose I could see if any of those are tasty and filling. You know what I want? I want Pick and Slave sushi and stuffed clams and alaskan king crab legs and more sushi but from Koreana this time and Hunan orange chicken like back in the day (one lonely tear) and many other things that me needs to be rich to afford. So it's back to the hot dogs, cheap pasta, and crappy pizza for me. It's alright I'll survive. I got the next three day off so that is good, gotta finish the bathroom remodeling, gotta clean the house a bit, gotta photoshop sheboygan cat's wedding pictures so they can be printed, gotta do laundry, gotta catch up on last weeks tv. Also, do not listen to Joy Division for longer than a whole album 'cause it grates on your ears a little after that. You can make it better however with a little Kate Bush and Koop. Thus spake Shaft at 5:58 AM

Saturday, March 08, 2003

I can not drive 55 miles per hour.

I just read something you all might want to know.
The city of Oshvegas in conjunction with the Auto body Repair Association, the National Insurance Alliance, the Car Dealer Society of America and the Emergency Medical Board have instituted the following change to the traffic laws within the city limits. The change is as follows: when the snow accumulation is above one half of an inch the speed limit within the city will change to 65 miles per hour with a minimum speed limit of 45 miles per hour. This change will be implemented on Jackson Street from Algoma to Highway 41 and South Park Avenue from Main to 20th Street initially; other streets will follow as crews are able to change the street signs. The city of Oshvegas and participating organizations believe this change to the traffic law will spur the economy in the city as well as provide significant business growth to the automotive and medical industry.

Thus spake Shaft at 8:28 PM

Monday, March 03, 2003

Ok so here is the deal. I just finished watching the video for Johnny Cash's rendition of the Trent Reznor song "Hurt". The song is great, but when you see the video the two of them together (song and video) become this phenominal piece of work. Amazing, kind of sad, very retrospective, all together very impressive.

Now.

What is the best video to play following this one?

I can tell you what it's not: In Da Club by rapper 50 Cent. You know, "Go shorty, it's your birthday, something something something it's your birthday"

You wanna know how I know?
Cause that's what they are playing right now.
Thus spake Shaft at 5:05 AM

"I am the eyes and ears of this institution"
Carl the Janitor in Breakfast Club

So you see, there are these two phones at my desk for the employees to use. The majority of the calls are pretty innocuous, usually to family asking what their kids are eating for dinner or what happened in school that day or what daddy is doing. My favorite part of family calls is when the employee finishes talking to their child, hangs up the phone and then proceeds to tell you about what a fun day susie had at school or how smart little billy is and how he is doing so well in junior football. Sometimes you are treated to the nickname of the child, such as "my little peanut" or "that' s my little stinker" and then they walk off repeating it to themselves. "She's such a little peanut, that's my little peanut"

But the worst calls are person calling significant other calls. These calls usually start out demure enough "I miss you baby", "I loooove you" or "Your my (insert petname here)" often followed by kissy noises. Way too many of them however quickly progress to the point of breathy, moaned, conversation. Many of the people turn away from you as if their back will morph into a sound proof booth like in some anime fantasy. Sometimes there will be boxes on my desk and they try to hide behind them continuing the filth. Some kind souls will at least attempt to whisper but that only leads to them repeating the same line over and over until the person on the phone, and everyone else, can hear what they said. Still others don't care at all and come one tissue short of whipping it out and stroking. You know, there is nothing I love more than hearing half of a dirty conversation.

Now, you want to know what is the best part about the dirty talk, huh, huh, you wanna.
Not fifty feet from where the two phones at my desk are is another phone. A private phone, in an enclosed entryway, away from the ears of myself or anyone else passing by. There is even a chair in there so when you cum you won't have to worry about becoming lightheaded and falling down.
Thus spake Shaft at 2:12 AM