Friday, October 31, 2003

Ok so her is the new template for me blog.

I still need some things fixeted.

Hopefully someone with the wicked kung fu can help me.

And then I will be able to save you all again.
Thus spake Shaft at 1:42 PM

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Why in the hell didn't I think of this .

I have two crisp twenties in my wallet right now.
In fact everytime I get payed I should sell my money on Ebay and make an 18% or more return.
Thus spake Shaft at 3:33 PM

Monday, October 13, 2003

In response to upb mmm cake.

and

I hope they do make cigarettes illegal because I will quit my job and run smokes from canada.

I will be an overnite millionare and be the next Al Capone.

Don't call me scarface, my name is Capone!

Of course maybe dying in prison of syphilis is bad.

Get crazy with the syphilis.

Oh, wait they already have the mafia don't they.

Damn.

Thus spake Shaft at 9:33 PM

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored BORED

So once upon a time where I work their were two people to man the desk. One would sit and the other would go make sure the building was ok. Then the next hour we would switch. Then the company decided to save some money and only have one guy sit the desk and answer the phones and watch the alarms in case they went off. This was bad for everyone because now we couldn't leave the desk to go explore or see if the building was ok or just walk a bit to pass the time. Now everyone says that just sitting on your ass and getting payed for it was the best job they could ever think of. The guys behind the desk agreed that doing next to nothing and getting paid was pretty good but after 8 hours of just sitting with nothing but the internet and a book to keep you company a person can get tired out. One has to roam and ramble and prance, ok maybe not prance, but at least get away from the desk to stretch ones legs. The company took pity on the men and bought them a shiny new cordless radio phone with an eight mile range and signal thru twelve floors of concrete. The men rejoiced as they could now leave the desk and walk and ramble and explore and stretch and pass the time somewhere other than the desk. But the happiness did not last too long as the company decided that the alarms could not be left alone for extended periods of time and the insurance company would certainly object and possibly increase their premiums. So that brings us to today, and we still have our phone but now we are tied to the desk other than going to the can or the vending area which are about 30 feet away. So I think that the company should read this.

So that passed a little bit of time.
Thus spake Shaft at 9:37 PM

Thank you miss bebo, I kinda figured out what bunny monologue was about 2 seconds after I posted but saying Bunny monologue is fun so I had to ask to be sure.
Thus spake Shaft at 3:06 PM

Monday, October 06, 2003

I think I understand why everyone in the office treats me the way that they do.

They all think I am mildly retarded.

Just like Benny on L.A. Law

Maybe I should just act the tard and live up to their expectations.

I should get another girl in the office who is retarded to be my girlfriend and then I can embarrass everyone when I ask them how to bang her. Just like Benny.

Thus spake Shaft at 4:43 PM

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Bebo.

Whats a bunny monologue?
Thus spake Shaft at 10:00 AM

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Did you know?
Cause I didn't know.
But did you know?
That if you get caught between the moon and New York City.
The best that you can do.
Yes, the best that you can do.
Is fall in love.
Thus spake Shaft at 10:42 AM

I AM DONE!!!!!!!!! I AM FUCKING DONE!!!!!!!!!
I AM SICK OF BEING EVERYONES PERSONAL FUCKING SECRETARY.
I AM SICK OF BEING THEIR FUCKING ANSWERING SERVICE, HOW
HARD IS IT TO UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOUR FATHER MOTHER BROTHER
SISTER AUNT UNCLE COUSIN RELATIVE OR SIGNIFACANT OTHER IS AT
WORK THEY ARE BUSY AND UNLESS YOUR ARE FUCKING BLEEDING FROM
THE EYEBALLS NO YOU CANT TALK TO THEM.
I AM ALSO SICK OF PEOPLE THINKING I AM STUPID CAUSE I DONT WORK
IN THE OFFICE. I HAVE JUST COME BACK FROM MAKING A COPY AND THE
LADY WAITING IN LINE ASKED ME IF I NEEDED HELP MAKING A FUCKING
COPY. ITS A COPY MACHINE, A COPY MACHINE!!!!!! NOT A FUCKING NUCLEAR
ROCKET. IF YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE A COPY JUST GIVE UP AND
FUCKING DIE NOW.

thank you
i feel better
Thus spake Shaft at 9:58 AM

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Not that I care but... THEY PICKED THE FRIGGEN COW HEAD CHEESE COIN!!!!!

Now I understand that the vote is only advisory according to the commemorative quarter council and that they picked the injun and explorer coin but come on people can't our state have something that looks a little cultured and I don't mean like cheese. We might as well have put a can of miller beer on the quarter and a pick up truck and guy in a flannel shirt with a shotgun and a blaze orange hat and pair of overalls (ob'g of course). By the same logic New York's quarter should have had a horses head and guy in a suit with slicked back hair and one of the cats from cats and cab with a Middle Eastern driver and a homeless person pushing a shopping cart.

Of course you can't really change our states image, look at how our residents are portrayed on television. Everyone thinks that we are bumbling puritanical naive simpletons and they are partially right but... again, I don't really care.

So all this week I have been working the first shift. Yep, 5:30 a.m. I am at work. I am doing the job of the person that sits the desk in the morning; otherwise at night it’s only the guards. I have been doing most of his job except for a few things like ordering supplies and issuing new ID cards. In the evenings that I normally work I also do some of his work, things that he did not get done in the daytime. I am also sure that when the morning comes the next day he takes credit with his bosses for all of the work that he did the following day. Now, most of his work involves sorting and stamping and filing and ordering, all things that I am familiar with. One of the things that I do involves freight bills. Bills from the companies that ship product to various places for us. When the bills come you do five things 1. You open the envelope 2. You look to see which location shipped the items (the company has five plants) 3. You stamp it with the days date 4. You file alphabetically according to the name of the shipper in the proper file folder by location 5. You wait for the lady from accounts payable to come and get them so some data entry worker can sit and type up checks and send them out. Pretty simple. But today I got a compliment for being able to alphabetized things and put them in the proper folder. The woman just kept gushing about it and thanking me. I smiled politely and said your welcome and really it is no big deal and I am just doing my job. But she seemed really pleased and I don't really mind the compliment even if it’s for something that a middle school kid should be able to do.

The reason that I am on the early shift this week is because the guy who is normally here took vacation this week. Now the reason that the woman was gushing so much is because of two things the morning guy told the office people. Before he left for vacation he told all the people in the office that I was a new guard even though I have been here 8 months and he also told them that I might not be able to handle all the tasks and the phone and all the visitors at the same time and that they should help me. So all Monday and Tuesday people have been stopping by asking if I need a break or if I have any questions. They have been really nice about it and I don't feel that they have been too condescending to me. But I was really pissed off at first that these people were told that I was a simpleton and their offers were annoying until I started to realize that they do the same thing for the morning guy. I realized this when almost every offer of help that I turned down got the reply "well we always do it for the morning guy". So it is not I who am the simpleton it is the morning guy and by doing all of his work in half of the time maybe they will realize this too. They probably will not however, it's not like they are going to say “hey shaft you did soooo well this week that we are going to give you a job and pay you 11 bucks and hour”. They won't, but they should. I could freakin’ rule this place with my wicked kung fu.

P.S.
Thank you miss bebo for the compliment, the above isn’t all that funny but I had to get it out.
Also to velveteen, me too. I'm working on fixing that having to leave thing.
Thus spake Shaft at 12:48 PM