Saturday, November 29, 2003

Its the most wonderful time of the year
hearts mistletoing
marshmellows for toasting
carrolling out in the snow
scary ghost stories?
tales of the glories of christmases long long ago?

Welcome to full on countdown to christmas boys and girls
they started playing christmas songs on the musak at work on friday already. Not that I mind seeing as I am a big xmas music fan. and I dig christmas hardcore. I just often don't have time or money to stick into the festiveness. If I had my way I'd be one of those houses all decked as my mother puts it "like a polish church". Someday I want a really big house like the ones on washington st or lake shore. Those houses can really be plastered with stuff, so much surface area to cover with holly and wreathes and bows and lights and snowmen and sleigh and santas and nativity scenes. whoo

You know what I hate most about modern christmas versus when I was a kid?
the horrible overcommercialization? Nope
the horrible traffic and people at shopping centers? Nope
the horrible ringing of the bells the bells the bells? uh-uh

The thing I hate most about modern christmas is the massive lack of animitronics.

What is the problem with people that own malls today? When I was a kid even the small crappy malls had a least a couple animitronic reindeer. The malls that had money coming in had at least 4 or 5 full displays of animitronic happiness.
Santa's toy shop with a dozen elves all painting and hammering and wrapping and santa in a big wing back chair by a roaring fire next to a desk checking his list for the second time. Reindeer being harnessed by elves in the livery and grazing outside in the grass. Victorian family in their living room trimming a big evergreen next to another roaring fire. A half dozen children all bundled up in multicolored hats and scarves and boots and holding books of songs and carroling for the amusement of the shoppers. And every single one of them multi-articulated, hands and arms and legs and heads moving one direction and then back again. Some of them did several different things and moved in multiple directions. Some even had kung fu grip.
And now what do you get? A few christmas trees if your lucky and maybe the odd person playing christmas music on a grand piano or keyboard. I think, I hope that the two or three story malls still have christmas trees two or three stories tall. That's still pretty impressive. But no animitronics, and the people don't even pay attention to the odd piano player. When I was a kid the people would crowd around the animitronic characters and watch their happy highjinks. The center of the mall would have a stage setup and full orchestras and choirs would give free concerts in the mall. The opposite ends of the mall if it were long enough would even have a quartet or quintet of instruments. Some of the them even had harp players, harp players!!! Now I think most malls just play music through the P.A. and thats all you get. I hope that some of the really big malls still have some of the choirs and trees and festiveness. But I bet still no animitronics.

I am tired and my desk in strewn with empty coffee cups and I still have three hours of work left. And then the photography. This week I have my second interview at the bindery, so cross your fingers and toes and pray and hope that the shaft gets him a better jobby job. I hope all your thanksgivings were rad.

and im out

Thus spake Shaft at 10:39 AM

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Does anyone happen to know why the only stations on the radio that come in clear at work are the freakin religious stations?

Why is it that they have more broadcast power than local stations that play that evil secular music?

Doesn't Cumulus have enough money to build towers strong enough to trump the religious ones?

You know I always thought that most people wanted to learn about how Billy did something to piss off God and his parents more than they want to here their favorites from the 80's and today.

You know what else is fun? The first suggestion in blogger spell checker for a replacement word for freakin is foreskin.
Foreskin is fun.
Thus spake Shaft at 12:14 PM

I am an abuser.

So is Mr. and Mrs. Jones and Velveteen.

We are abusers.

This website proves it.

Here is a quote.

"Stimulation is then followed by depression and fatigue, leading the abuser to seek more nicotine."

I am so ashamed.
Thus spake Shaft at 7:11 AM

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

In case the eyes who are to see it have not, the list of shaft is on the bad guys blog.

So I had a bitch about work posted for about a half hour up here and then the thing that I bitched about never happened so I decided to post this instead.


Thus spake Shaft at 9:24 PM

Friday, November 14, 2003

Hi, its 9:30 am, and I am at work.

Most people will say, but shaft so am I. I have been at work for a half hour or possibly and hour and a half.

Yeah, well 9:30 am is the middle of my workday.

Yep, came in at 5:30 am.

If you remember I did this once before for a whole week a little while ago and it seems just a crazy this time too.

You wanna know something even better?

Its my day off. Yep my only day off in the whole week. Now granted I get paid time and a half for today and all I really have to do is just sit here and look pretty but still bed seems nice right now.

You wanna know something else?

I'm racist.

Yep hate other races.

Or maybe I just don't like to here someone chitter loudly on the phone for a half an hour in a language I can't understand.

While they eat carrots.

With their mouth open.

The whole half hour.

A seemingly unending supply of carrots.

Crunch cruch, babble babble, crunch crunch, babble babble.

Sometimes, crunchbabble, babblecrunch, mouth full babble babble.

Maybe if I knew what they were saying it wouldn't be so bad.


Thus spake Shaft at 9:52 AM

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Oooooh, my tummy and brain hurts.

I just spent the last five hours eating donuts and watching melrose place.

I can't decide if this is worse or better than the time I spent the whole day eating gummi worms and watching Beverly Hills 90210.
Thus spake Shaft at 5:05 PM

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

So I just finished writing a long post bitching about macs. I decided not to post it after going back and reading it. It had lots of quotes from various websites about Panther, the new mac os, and had lots of funny retorts to those quotes. But after I read it I realized that I can sum up the whole post in two sentences.

1. Mac os 10.3 (Panther) has lots of new features and they are, etc.

2. Whee, just like windows always had.
Thus spake Shaft at 7:42 PM

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

So now they are employing homeboys at the collection agencies.

You know "Yo yo yo, up in here, what what"

Homeboys.

The message on my answering machine went like this.

"Yeah, dis (name garbled) I'm just tryin' to get atcha. I's wondrin if you home.
Garbled sentence.
Yeah, well call me back if you got caller I.D.
If not you can holla back at me at 1-800-xxx-xxxx.

I'm so impressed that I almost want to give them some money.
Thus spake Shaft at 11:24 PM

Saturday, November 01, 2003

I'm sorry, I bored and at work and having too much fun with babelfish.
Thus spake Shaft at 9:11 AM

Tu asno es tan enorme como dos edificios muy grande.

Oh man, that's wonderful.
Thus spake Shaft at 9:09 AM

Usted tiene materia fecal para una cabeza!

that's fricken hilarious
Thus spake Shaft at 9:06 AM

Tu madre sopla cabras detras del granero!

hahaha
Thus spake Shaft at 7:40 AM