Thursday, May 27, 2004

So at work today I was thinking about this Robert Frost line:
" Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

I was thinking about how this poem only tells one side of the story.
I mean, you never hear the story about the guy who took the road less traveled and got eaten by bears.
Thus spake Shaft at 10:13 PM

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, kats and kittens and all the hep hep people of the world.

I AM DONE

I am officially no longer employed by you know who and tomorrow begins my new job. In my own neighborhood. Let's hope that from now on the beer flows like wine and everything comes up whores and donuts.
Thus spake Shaft at 2:31 PM

Monday, May 10, 2004

I know this is old news but it's something that I started thinking about today. I realized that I will no longer be able to get supersize fries and drink at any McDonalds in this country. Not only does this go against one of the principle rules of business, namely, give the customer what they want. It is one more instance that illustrates that our country is a bunch of fucking sheep that are herded from one fad to the next by the media. Take for example the low carb fad. CARBOHYDRATES PROVIDE THE MAIN SOURCE OF ENERGY FOR OUR BODIES YOU STUPID FUCKING MORONS!!! Cnn.com says in this article that McDonalds is "under growing public pressure to give consumers healthier food options." Ok fine, that fits with what has been forced down my throat increasingly in grocery stores and on T.V. commercials lately. Although I've been hearing the cry for more healthy this and that since the first time I was introduced to fitness tests for the presidents council on physical fitness. Thanks a lot Ike, I sure loved being told I was fat! Thankfully congress acted quickly and passed a bill so the gotardedly obese can't sue fast food for their huge ass anymore. Although people who opposed the bill said the "lawsuits [are] more about helping a special interest group shore up its bottom line than about shrinking the waistlines of millions of Americans." Yeah, cause a business protecting itself from people misusing their product is wrong. We should be able to sue anyone for anything. I shouldn't have to be held accountable for any of my own actions. The lawsuits and settlements against the tobacco companies proved that. Because of the removal of supersizes I will no longer be frequenting McDonalds. I am sending them a letter to that fact as well, who knows if someone will read it. I will be thanking them for the many years of tasty products and will be informing them that I am one consumer that will be alienated by their recent decision and because of it I will not return to their establishments until the supersizes do.
Thus spake Shaft at 8:36 PM

Sunday, May 09, 2004

Tee hee I'm Jordan. That's so exciting. Maybe now the girls will want me.
I know Angela will at least.
Thus spake Shaft at 12:28 PM

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Hey kids, by now most of you know that as of the 16th of may I will no longer have to were a blue polyester uniform five days a week. Unless I would want to, for like some weird sex thrill or something where I play a cop and have to "pat down" a perpetrator and use my "nightstick" against them if they got violent. I would then "put them under arrest" and "read them their rights" and take them to the station to be "booked". Then I would have to "testify" before the court about what the person did. They would be given a "trial" by a jury of their "peers" and if convicted would be "incarcerated" in a "penitentiary". I think you all know what I'm talking about. Awww Yeah! Makes you hot doesn't it. Oh fifth and sixth amendment's, you are so sexy, I want to lick you all over and make sweet sweet ... I'm Sorry, I've gotten off track. On May 17th I will begin work in the same building and even in the same room as our friend Boo-G. I won't mention the name of the place here but I think you all know where he works. I will be working a whole 2 blocks from my house, so I will able to walk to work every day. Probably even in winter. Now I know what all of you are saying, "But shaft, aren't you the guy who said if he could drive his car to the side of his bed at bedtime and park it there just to avoid walking the 20 feet to the bedroom he would?" Yes, I am that guy, but common sense has to rule out on this one because it would take me twice as long to drive the two blocks and find a parking space than it would just to walk there. Yes, I know this because I have already tried it. So it looks like the warranty on my fancy new car will run out of years before it runs out of miles. I'm fine with that, less upkeep. Also, I'll be saving about 25 bucks a week not driving a half hour to work every day. I will be keeping my part time job, at least until I can transfer in to a full time position there. I will only be getting 35 to 37 hours a week and that suits me just fine for now. Combined with the part time job I will make more than enough to live off of and will actually be further ahead each week than what I am earning now. So that's the gist of it, anyone wants to know more should ask me when they see me. It hasn't really hit yet that I will be leaving my current job, I have wanted to for so long and now that I finally am it almost makes me a little sad. I think because I have gotten used to the pattern for the past year and now I have to change. But the small amount of sadness does nothing compared to the excitement that this new job will give me most of the life back that was taken when I got fired over two years ago. In one way I am glad that I got fired though. I believe almost everything happens for a reason and the reason I got fired over two years ago was to teach me to be financially responsible. I was already mostly responsible, most of the bills got paid on time but others didn't. The biggest problem was that I never really knew where all of my money went. I would pay the bills that were the most important or the most overdue and if there was any money left it just seemed to disappear. Being unemployed for a year and having to make every dollar count made me have to budget the bread and know where every penny went. I'm not a total Nazi about it though, I allow for a give or take amount every week in case I need it for something important that I didn't figure on or the mood strikes me to blow it on something or other. But on the whole every nickel is accounted for, maybe not every penny, but every nickel certainly. So that's about it for now. Mothers day in on Sunday. Big shout out to all the mom's in the world.
Thus spake Shaft at 10:17 AM

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Ladies and gentlemen, just what you always wanted. The ability to easily and quickly comment on the stuff that spews forth from my mind. Comment and comment often. Tell me what you think. Do not hold back. It is your destiny. When you got the glow, you need the glow, you need the glow the glow to grow, when you live to love, you love to live, huh, you got to move to the upper level, ho! Just remember.
When you reach that upper level your mind body and soul will be one.
Shine on!
Thus spake Shaft at 6:06 PM