Saturday, June 26, 2004

Ladies and gentlemen if I weren't so drunk I would be more fucking pissed off. As most of you know I work for the most part in the evening. Due to this I TiVo most of the TV that I watch. For the last two Wednesdays it has rained like a motherfucker between like 8 or 9 pm. And for the last two Wednesdays my shows have been interrupted because of it. First of all, one of the things that pisses me off is the way people react to the rain. "Oh no, it's raining" "I don't want to get wet" "Hurry, run, it's raining." Now unless your are wearing tissue paper for clothing or you just got your hair did I don't understand the concept of fear of water falling from the sky. I'm not even going to mention the famous quote from the Hagakure. Despite all of the hooting and hollering people do the thing that pisses me off the most about the rain is the fucking weather people on television. "We now interrupt the program your watching just long enough so that you miss the most important part of the plot so that we can tell you it's raining. Because obviously that sound you here outside has confused all of you. No ladies and gentlemen it's not the rapture, it's just rain." See here's my deal, you ready... Unless it's the fucking second coming of Christ or the ruskies just launched a fucking nuclear fucking strike against the U.S. I don't give a flying rats ass fuck about the fucking weather. If want to know how long it will be fucking raining for I will look on the damn uburweb or check the weatherchannel. "But Shaft, not everyone has cable or internet access. What about those people?" Oh, gee I don't know. I guess, you know what... FUCK 'EM. What the hell do you think our forefathers did when it rained? That's right, they stuck their head out the window and said "Gee it's raining. Wonder when it will stop? Oh well, who gives a shit. Hey wench, bring me more ale! Fuck the king! Etc."

Just another chapter in the saga called Shaft ain't giving them a God damn dime.
Thus spake Shaft at 10:41 PM

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Hey kids, here is my fantabulous Andy Rooney impression.

Why is it that when some people say the words whipped cream they elongate the words as if to illustrate its wonderful decadence. "Reeaal Whipped Creeeeaaaam" I don't understand. Sure whipped cream is good, it's damn good. But some people act as if eating whipped cream will transport them to some wonderful place where birds and beavers and humans and lizards and all manners of furry creatures live in orgasmic utopian bliss. I don't get it. It's whipped cream people. You buy it at the grocery store. It's cheap. Your bring it home already whipped (my preference, mmmm nitrogen flavor) or you buy the components and then whip, whip it good.
Thus spake Shaft at 9:15 AM

Monday, June 21, 2004

So I had posted a bunch about how my credit card company sucks and then I went to post about it and my post fucked up my blog. The credit card website wouldn't let me enter my account and then when I tried a bunch of times it told me I had to change the password. So I went to change the website and it told me that it tried to but "forgot" my information and I should call the company. Stupid fucks. So I went to post about it and it fucked up my blog somehow. So I changed the template. It was about time anyway and now I have a pretty new blog to look at. So I have not posted or read anyone's blog in a while. I haven't even read any of the comics I normally read. It took me a while to become conditioned to dealing with people everyday at my job. In my old job I would sit by myself and not talk to anyone for long stretches. Now all I do is talk to people and I forgot how mentally draining it is. For the last few weeks I would come home and just pass out in the living room. But now I am fully trained for sales and used to talking to customers all day. So now I am not as tired when I come home. This means I should hopefully post regularly again. Not as much as I could before when I was on the internet all day and getting payed for it. But as soon as I get caught up reading the last three weeks of stuff I should back at it again.
Thus spake Shaft at 1:19 AM